Oh, here we go. Serious spoiler alert if you’re worried about such things!
It all begins with a quickie intro to the TWENTY, yes TWENTY designers that are being reviewed, but fair warning! Only 16 get to move on – they’re burning off four with all haste. Let’s see how many of my earlier predictions will hold water…
So, it begins with the last phase of the audition process. They roll their racks into the room where Nina, Michael, Heidi and Tim Gunn are reviewing them, and nerves are high.
First up? Kimberly Goldson – she shows off a pretty chic pair of mustardy trousers that are pretty well tailored. Portland’s Bryce brings out a feathery cape and Heidi has to try it on and do a little walk. Bryce’s pants just got pretty tight. When else is Heidi Klum gonna wear your crap.
Anya, aka Miss Trinidad, rolls her rack in – and surprise of surprises, she JUST LEARNED TO SEW! Seriously, four months ago, she learned how to sew. Tim is incredulous – he and Michael scrutinize her stitchwork closely because it’s too good for someone that new. The judges are scared for her. I would be too – girl is already at a disadvantage. Heidi wants her, the others are a little sketched out.
Quirky Becky from Portland shows a weird jacket, adorable Olivier with the unspecified Euro accent shows off a collection of taupe, and Heidi has a crush so he wins. Snohomish’s Josh gets a little Heidi serenade – I think Heidi’s drunk. Seriously, I think she’s been hittin’ the gin behind the counter. Josh’s “crowing achievement” is a very odd red number that looks like a prom dress being sucked into a black hole – too structured.
(MORE AFTER THE JUMP!)
St. Louis native, and Bitch Presumptive Laura Kathleen shows off a Miami-esque collection reminiscent of Uli (Season 3), Michael says something patronizing about Midwesterners and Nina is overwhelmed – regardless, Laura Kathleen’s stuff just looks cheap. Meh.
David Chum from Boston is overcome with hangers, and shares a whole lotta one-note. Victor Luna (aka My New Crush) flashes briefly and shows a weird balloon sleeved situation. I don’t care, he’s cute and I want him to stay.
Strange Colorado girl Julie Tierney brings in her collection of serapes known as an outerwear collection – but she doesn’t seem to differentiate between outerwear and other… really? “It’s all just design” she says… ah… you’re gonna be this season’s weirdo.
Amanda Perna, who looks like a younger version of Alanis Morrissette, shares her romper. She hates rompers, but did it because they were on trend for some line….zzzzzzz….. god she’s dull. By the way “romper” is Spanish for “to break” – just thought you’d enjoy that.
OMG will this parade of blah ever end???
Overly adorable Fallene is up next, with some sort of chicken feather situation that looks like a discount version of Kenley’s dress that she ripped off of Balenciaga. Will the feathers ever cease?
Next up is Gunnar Deatherage, about whom I had very little encouraging to say earlier. He whips out a pink “Cinderella” dress that he made custom for some socialite for the Kentucky Derby. It’s a lot of detail for sure, but try as you might, you can’t polish a turd. But apparently, you can roll it in glitter. He looks like he’s 12 years old.
Danielle Everine is as fascinating as wet toast. Joshua McKinley needs to lay off of the guido styling – he looks like an extra from Jersey Shore. He showed something, but I keep staring at his painted in eyebrows, so I have no idea what it was.
Next is Cecilia showing an overworked shirt to accompany her overworked eyebrows (seriously PR contestants, lay off the tweezers…) She has skill, but I don’t think they’re impressed. Flatiron Rafael is sharing some very 80′s inspired situation. Serena is sharing another romper, but it’s actually kind of interesting where the other girl made me yawn.
Next up is Bert, who I thought would take several episodes to make a big reveal about himself, but instead dumps out his purse right now! He started a career in 1978 designing for Bill Blass, Halston and Arnold Scazzi, then encountered a series of tragedies that he tried to bury in booze. Apparently he dumped his addiction a few years back, and is getting it all back on track. He definitely has skills, but his designs are a little less than avant garde. Is there such a thing as après garde?
Baton Rouge cuteness Anthony rolls in with a very weird scarf that Heidi wants to steal. Anthony not only shares with us that he had testicular cancer but that he’s “rocking one now”… okay, he’s funny. But that scarf is a lot of ugly. He also shares that he’s color blind and I think he’ll be perpetually on the edge of tears. Shamefully, I suspect there will be many one-ball jokes, and lots of things about him needing to have the balls to do stuff. Just warning you now!
Adjudication commences! Are they seriously going to dump four RIGHT NOW? You’d think they’d string them along a little more… but everyone is tense and twitchy. Good lord, Cecilia has no confidence and is pretty sure she took a dump and is heading home.
So, who are the first four cuts? They’re stretching out the tension in a massive way. Just get to the bloodletting already!
David "too-confident" Chum is out. He doesn't want to go back to waiting tables.
Gunnar with the hideous derby dress is out.
Amanda with the romper is out. She is about as graceful as a rejected cheerleader. I fully expect a bigger meltdown off camera that involves a screaming fit at Fashion Bug.
and, Serena - who postponed her wedding in ICELAND to come to PR, is out. Her work was good, but I don't think she was fascinating enough to make good TV.
Snohomish Josh is way too cute. Maybe he’s my new TV crush… it’s a toss-up between him and Victor Luna for the role of “My New TV Crush.” Champagne all around (except for Bert, I’m guessing!) and they move into the Atlas apartments. Becky from Portland sums up her aesthetic in three words: Artsy, Girly, Edgy – unfortunately all the photos show me “vintage”… I told you she was “quirky”! She’s so alternative!
Blah, blah, blah and they’re off to bed. Cut to 5:00am, and Tim Gunn comes stealthing in like a creepy camp counselor and starts waking people up against their will, and rallies them for a “come as you are” morning party – meaning you get to bring just what you’re wearing and one sheet from your bed… oh this could get ugly, but I don’t think it’s for a klan rally or anything. Princess Laura Kathleen forces some time to put on some powder… somehow that seems like a bit of editing fun there, because it goes from darkness outside to suddenly daylight. I think they must have taken a few moments to get themselves gathered. Becky DID want to put on a bra, and I think if they saw her in a t-shirt without, they probably let her. Some girls just gotta wear a bra, just sayin’.
They trek from the Atlas to Parsons via Times Square and Bryant Park – my Manhattan geography is a little rusty, but that seems like a schlep – isn’t Parsons way downtown? I digress…where was I?
Oh, their challenge! To create a look using only what they’re wearing and the bedsheet. They get to pick buttons, zippers, etc. from a bunch that Tim picked up at a garage sale (I’m making that up, but I kinda wonder!) – and they’re off to sketch and innovate. Laura Kathleen was wearing a silk/lace uber girly situation, so she’s got a lot of frilly, but poor Bert has orange gingham boxers and a brown t-shirt.
Everyone is dying fabrics. Anya who, may I remind you, only learned to sew four months ago is working that commercial sewing machine like a toddler with a handgun. She’s totally going to hurt herself. We were considering the weirdness of Bert using his boxers for dress material, but was hoping it wouldn’t be spoken about, but it had to come up in the workroom – the phrase “nut juice” came up. I puked a little.
Tim Gunn visits! Yay!
Cute Anthony is making a faux fur merkin for his mini-skirt – labial references are made. Fallene is using a silkscreen from her t-shirt depicting a clown vomiting a rainbow… Tim has clearly never heard of T-Shirt Hell.
Bert has created something that looks weird, but is clever in terms of design. Anya is making her first pair of pants ever… really? Now is not the time to experiment with pants. They’re pretty refined for a first time, but maybe she’s more skilled than she’s letting on. Flatiron Rafael (I’m starting to think it’s a wig…) gets the smackdown from Tim when Tim shares that he was very nearly in the four that went home.
Model Fittings! Non-specific European Olivier meets his model who is Italian, and proceeds to speak to her in Italian, only to be interrupted by Laura Kathleen who asks, and I shit you not, “Are you speaking foreign?” Nice way to represent Missouri there, Ellie May, and sound like a complete hillbilly. Ugh. I’m already going to hate her.
Runway day! I don’t see how this is going to go well – there ain’t much cute in that room. Guest judge? Christina Ricci! And she’s too young for all that plastic surgery. They walk – check out some of this mess:
Portland Bryce really turns in some awesomeness here. If I was judging, this would have won.
Although my crush Victor did make a nice piece here, he didn't stretch much using a while bedsheet.
Nina liked Anthony Ryan's lacy abomination here - he is colorblind, but is Nina?
Josh, my other crush, from Snohomish almost went home for this one… bad decisions were made here.
Bert's Winning Look - he took some heat for the old-school styling, but he still won.
Yeah, flatiron Rafael went home for this one.
So, we’re now back to 15 contestants, where we should be! Tune in next week for another snark-ridden recap!
