So, last week SHOULD have been an awesome episode — it was the Avant Garde challenge, but it was boring, so I didn’t care enough to recap it. Blah blah blah, Josh C (who came back from the dead) was booted again. 

On to this week! 

Another flipping’ team challenge – you know that the producers of Project Runway are looking at the DRAMA generated… teams are chosen up, and natch Bert is last. I’m looking at these team lineups:

Team 1 – Bryce, Olivier, Viktor, Anya and Anthony Ryan, and Team 2 – Josh McK, Laura, Kimberly, Quirky Becky and Bert. If you were standing on a mountaintop looking at this lineup through a telescope, you could see where this is headed. I love that the producers are making Bert out to be the bad guy, but Josh McK always seems to be the one to bring all the drama.

Woot! The fabric design challenge!!! I love this challenge – if you’re new, this is the challenge where designers use the HP Touchsmart technology to design their own textiles. But, in addition, they have to curate their own fashion show. Looking at the two teams, I can see this is headed somewhere bad.

Betsey Johnson is what every rocker chick aspires to be at 70. Not many white girls can rock a weave like that.

They get someone to come in and coach – and it’s freakin’ Betsey Johnson!!! I love her. Laura thinks of herself as the lovechild of Betsey Johnson and Oscar de la Renta. Um, no in fact.

Betsey Johnson of all people knows how to throw a fashion show -the woman is pushing 70, and she’s more badass than anyone. Girl was married to John Cale for god’s sake. Who’s John Cale you ask? Look it up.

Teams “caucus” and discuss – Josh McK is naturally trying to lead his doomed team (in spite of there not really being a team leader) and is talking about The Village People (huh?) and the team that will actually be good seems to be singing kumbaya and holding hands. So, in the challenge where they all get to design textile, they’re all going all black and white. Seriously? Jeebus people, innovate! I’m bored. They’re printing out their patterns, except for Bert for whom printers are anathema, apparently.

Josh McK is getting all petulant and pissy. What an imperious bitch. Honey, you aren’t that interesting – stop it. He’s snapping hard at Bert, and the rest of the team is walking away from it. Josh McK is getting pissy because Bert used a swear word… seriously? Grow the hell up. Everyone agrees that he’s in a bad mood for some reason. We’re going to find out why he’s surly, I can tell. Ugh. Rat’s ass – can’t give one.

They all commence work – some go on to work on their audio and video for the runway show, and others go to Mood for shopping. Viktor and Team Harmonious are all smiles and happiness – this does not go unnoticed by Becky. She’s all sadface because her team sucks. She is doomed to work on awful teams forever. Poor quirky thing.

More after the jump!

So, Team Discord is doing their whole theme on “clocks” apparently – and somehow that translates as shots of shoes getting in and out of taxis. Team Harmony is all smiles and happy – they’re editing their video and doing everything right. When they go to sleep, bunnies will come in and leave candy in their shoes.

Josh McK is creating a dramatic moment where he apologizes for being a dickwagon. A good gesture – he needed to not be an ass, and at least he recognized his idiocy.

Josh is hoping to distract the judges from his horrible design with his horrible shirt. Clearly good taste hasn't caught him yet.

Textiles arrive – they’re all ugly. You had color available to you, and you do this greyscale mess? Yawn.

Construction begins! Anthony Ryan is working some Rorschach situation which actually turns out kinda cool. Kimberly has abdicated the custom textile – good for her, because her team’s stuff is shite.

Tim visits – and is stunned by Team Harmony’s love fest of creation they got going on. Oh wait Tim, you’re about to see the other side of that equation. Cut to Josh McK talking to his dad. Turns out it was his dead mother’s birthday recently, and he’s not dealing with it emotionally. God, he’s crying. Dammit. Don’t make me feel bad for you!

On to the actual runway shows -

First, Team Discord.

• Josh McK’s jacket is wonky and ugly.
• Becky’s look is cute enough, but I’ve seen more of that tank/shell top this season than ever before. Seriously  – stop it.
• Bert’s gear-pattern dress is fine, but the tea-length is ridiculous. It either needs to be a foot longer, or a foot shorter.
• Kimberly’s brain textured skirt is just bizarre.
• and Laura’s BLUE jumpsuit is just… zzzzzzzzzzz wait, I fell asleep there for a moment.

And the less said about their accompanying video piece the better. Seriously, hypersaturated colors are not really an “aesthetic” so much as it is a “mistake”.

Team Harmony!

• Anya is surprising everyone. She did a fitted cocktail dress, with a vaguely princessy seam, with mixed patterns. Well done.
• Even Bryce (of little expectations) does cute shorts and red top.
• Anthony Ryan’s proportion on his skirt is a little lunch baggish, but not bad.
• Olivier’s peplum jacket is awfully cool.
• Viktor does the requisite gown – simple, but pretty badass.

Their video piece is pretty simplistic, but not bad.

It’s obvious which team is on top, and which is not. Do I even need to say?

Josh McK is, sorry to say, just a bitchy queen. Yawn. If you wanna be a twitchy, bitchy queen, fine, but be awesome in what you do. Your entire personality can not be “bitchy queen” – that gets old fast. And so will you if you keep tanning like that. Quit boring everyone with your affected queeniness.

Judging lovefest for the winning team – Heidi asks who should be the individual winner – Olivier shyly suggests that he might be good as the winner, and they all individually believe that they should be the winner, except for Bryce who votes for Anya. it’s sweet, and not at all annoying.

Team Discord just seems defeated. I’m all geared up for a series of bodies being chucked under the bus, but it’s mercifully civil.

Winner?

Anya and her uber cute cocktail dress win!

Loser?

Quirky Becky gets sent home for being WAYYYYY too simple.

I would have sent Bert home for that dowdy tea-length situation, but he needs to stay around for all the drama.

Seriously, I haven’t been this bored since Irina won Project Runway a bunch of seasons ago.

Next week, it looks like straight guys are commissioning outfits for their women. I see lots of cleavage happening.